What does "Self-Care" mean to you?

Self-Care

We hear this term a lot. As women entrepreneurs and professionals, we have a pretty good idea of what this is supposed to be, right? 

Taking care of ourselves, so that we can be our best, to do all that we do for those around us. Whether that be friends, family, business associates, customers, or the world.

I love the analogy of the oxygen mask on the airplane. Put your own mask on first, before helping others. You can't be of use to those you care most about, if you are compromised.






But this term can mean any of at least a hundred things, if not more. I generally consider myself pretty good at this practice. I manage my stress levels pretty well, I take time to relax and do things that make me feel refreshed and ready to take on the world again.

But there are always things we can do better, right?

When we think of "adding self-care to our routine" we often feel very overwhelmed. We feel like this is going to be one more item on our to-do list that isn't "necessary" or "high priority" and we portion that time for other things. 

I believe, that self-care is very necessary and very high priority. Remember the oxygen mask analogy? We simply cannot do all of the things we want to do, need to do, are meant to do if we are not at our best.





And, I think that "adding self-care to our routine" is much like eating an elephant. How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.






So, start with making a list. What are things that constitute self-care to you? My definition: things that make you feel refreshed, refilled, renewed and ready to take on the world again. 

Possibilities: 

• massage
• manicure/pedicure
• facial
• bath
• enjoying your favorite beverage on your deck or patio
• exercise
• clean eating
• chat with your best girlfriend
• a guilty pleasure movie or TV show possibly with popcorn
• a glass of wine, possibly with your best girlfriend or a special someone
• a great dessert
• walk outdoors
• sauna
• steam
• makeover
• retail therapy - a new great outfit or pair of shoes
• time off - vacation or stay-cation
• read a book
• listen to music
• sing out loud
• dance to your favorite song

The list could go on and on and on. My best strategy for eating that elephant is pick no more than 5 things that make you feel refreshed, refilled, renewed and ready to take on the world again. 

At least 1 that is a "big" thing, something you aren't going to do every day or every week, but would be a special treat and schedule that into your calendar no less than once per quarter (3 months) or as much as say once per month. (like a massage, pedicure, facial or vacation)

1 or 2 "medium or small" things, something you can do at least once a month, or as much as once a week. For me one of my top ones is lighting several candles in my family room and watching one of my favorite TV shows with the lights off and candles lit. 

1 to 3 "tiny" things, something you can do at least 3 times as week or as much as every day. Get a really great body lotion you can put on after every shower, pull out that skin care routine, and figure out how to do all of the steps, and DO THEM at least 3 times a week. 

If you try to schedule them all at once, you may feel overwhelmed again. So, once you have your list of 5, add 1 item per week to your schedule for the upcoming 3 month period. If you start with the "big" thing, and work your way to the "tiny" things, they will be much easier to "digest".

I would love to hear your lists. Share in the comments what your 5 items are and if you already have any of them scheduled on your calendar. 

Let's Get Naked

In the world of social media, interesting and uplifting things manage to hit my radar every so often. Last week, it was this great story, song and video by an artist, Colbie Caillat, who I would never have heard of as it's not the kind of music I typically listen to. 

You can read the story, and watch and listen to the video at the link behind the pic. 

It not only inspired me as a powerful message for our young women, and some of the older women I know too, but it really got me to thinking about some of those universal truths.

We have all known girls, had girlfriends, or even sometimes been those girls who were so desperate to be in a relationship that they tried to be something they were not. Not in an effort to be false, or to hide or be dishonest, but innocently enough, just trying to be what "that person" wanted, or what she or we thought "that person" wanted.

I think we all also know that in the end, that is not only unsuccessful for the obvious reasons, but it is also kind of unattractive. 

People know when you're not being your authentic self. Maybe they don't know they know it but they sense it. They sense your genuine self. One of those things I can look back and remember learning quite keenly as an Over 40 Female, is the process of learning to like myself. Really like myself. 

The other thing I learned is that it's pretty unreasonable to ask someone else to like you if you don't actually like yourself. 

And here's the universal truth part - this not only applies to romantic relationships, but also to family, friends and business. 

The more you really like that person in the mirror, and the more you really authentically show up as that person in the mirror, the more attractive you become, on every level. 

Don't get me wrong, you won't see me out too often with no makeup or my hair not done, but I am willing to put myself out there naked now. 

It even inspired me to put together a special event with Chicago Over 40 Females. 

When you're all alone by yourself do you like you?

I wasn't always this way...

Many of you have heard the story of how I became an "entrepreneur", but for those of you that havent...

My life changed when my husband was laid off in 2005 from a corporate job that had made him so depressed he was a completely different person.

We likened the layoff to when a loved one has been really sick for a long time, and they pass away. It's sad, but it's really a relief that the suffering is over.

We decided it was our last best opportunity for him to pursue his life long dream rather than go back to doing what he hated somewhere else.

We took a huge leap and walked away from a 70K+ income and invested another 70K+ in the additional training he needed.

We decided we didn't need to suffer any more.

My husband's happiness was more important than his income or our lifestyle. I didn't know how, but I knew I'd do anything to work it out.

So I started my business alongside my corporate position to supplement our income. I found in helping my husband make his dream come true, I not only found a dream I didn't even know I had, but I figured out that life is supposed to be good and happy.

Every day.

We learned that it is truly never too late to bring your dream to life. At 43 years of age, my husband got hired as a commercial airline pilot!

We learned that anything really is possible!

And we've figured out that life is about each day, making the most of who we are, where we are and most importantly who we are with.

It turns out it wasn't just me experiencing this - we all get so busy living life, that we forget to Live Life.

Situationally Specific Confidence

As people, particularly people on a journey of personal development, we are growing and improving continually. As Tony Robbins, and many others have stated, if you're not growing, you're dying. 

I started my entrepreneurial journey in January 2006. As I grew my first business, my confidence grew. My personal confidence, my professional confidence, my confidence in my future self, my public speaking confidence, my training confidence. I found myself in one situation after another that was scary, but once I worked through it, became rewarding and even fun. 

But life isn't linear, and the road we are on is seldom straight. In that same business, I experienced challenges with my business growth and more impactfully, with leaders I had viewed as mentors and colleagues I had viewed as friends. Feeling like the unpopular girl in high school once again, I began my retreat. At first, it was so slow, I almost didn't notice. I certainly denied it was happening, to those around me and most importantly to myself. 

Here's the funny thing, at this same time, as my professional confidence was eroding, my athletic confidence was exploding. I ran my first marathon, then my second. I completed my first triathlon, at the Olympic distance. I entered the dirty and physically challenging world of mud and obstacle racing and advanced from the Warrior Dash to the Super Spartan race. 

I also built amazing friendships in a circle that I hold great passion, esteem and love for. A group of people that I respect and enjoy. I get to be one of the cool kids when I'm with them. I advanced to the "in crowd".

I observe, in hindsight as we often do, that I didn't lose my confidence, though I thought so at the time, rather I shifted it to another aspect of my life. We often view people from a distance that seem confidant in one way or another and we assume that they are fully, 100% confidant and competent in all aspects of their life. I wager they are not. How often have you heard an interview with a celebrity who shares something they are really bad at, something maybe even close to what they are known for. Like an athlete who is a terrible dancer, or a public speaker who can't sing in key. 

Working with an amazing coach, she saw my loss of professional confidence and the effect it was going to continue to have on my business and worked with me to take a huge leap in a totally new direction and start Chicago Over 40 Females. WOW has that been amazing. Over the past year my confidence has grown exponentially. I feel loved and respected and recognize those are very important things to me. 

And last fall, I took the leap to resign my leadership position with my direct sales company and shift into a new company. Totally new in every way. It has been amazing, uplifting, and successful. But, this week, I've observed another strange phenomenon in my confidence. I lack the confidence in my role and my connections in this business in an insidious way. Where I have no qualms about talking to anyone about Over 40 Females, in any profession, at any level, asking them for any level of sponsorship or involvement, I find I have some silo'd areas where I have that same confidence in my new business. 

If we're not growing, we're dying, right? 

As I move into the 2nd half of 2014, I embark on yet another facet of building my self-confidence, and learn to accept and embrace that it doesn't always apply in all situations.

How about you? Do you find there are areas of your life where you are confident, and others where you wish you were? I'd love to hear about it!