Thought Pirates

Have you ever suffered an attack by a thought pirate? 

You're going about your day, possibly even really concentrating on a task at hand, or a plan for a project. 

The Thought Pirate comes from out of nowhere! 

A completely random, possibly destructive thought not only enters your mind, but completely derails your mental course, driving you into uncharted waters, even a maelstrom.

I think we've all been victims of the Thought Pirates! 

The Thought Pirates come in several varieties: 

The Joker 

This pirate has no malevolent intent, simply to entertain. These Pirates attack with things like a random Michael Jackson song or an image you saw last week on Facebook of a baby opossum. The fastest way to defeat this Pirate variety is simply to acknowledge the entertainment value of the attack, take the momentary pause and then return to your previous course. 

The Distractor

This pirate has little malevolent intent, however a strong intent to divert your attention. These Pirates most often attack when you feel a slight urge to procrastinate from an unpleasant or tedious task. They may even use a stealthy attack method which seems like another, less unpleasant or tedious task such as a grocery or errand list.  The fastest way to defeat this Pirate variety is to recognize the intent and grab a notebook; jot down the errant thought and commit to return to it only when your current task is complete. 

The Disarmer

This is the most deadly Pirate and has completely malevolent intent. These Pirates attack with your worst fears and doubts. Much like Hollywood uses cgi to make a paper airplane look like a fully armed spaceship, these Pirates use trick lighting and special effects to make your fears and doubts seem real and worse, relevant to the task you are working to complete. Preparation is the best way to defeat these nasty Pirates. When you are setting out on a task that pushes you or is going to take you into difficult territory, arm your mental ship and staff some lookouts. Positive thoughts are great armor remind yourself what you are working to achieve and exactly how you will benefit, especially the feelings you will have as a result of achieving it. Give your lookout brief affirming statements as the call to arms. When these Pirates attack, repeat the short statements at the first sight, before they get into range to grapple your ship.

You can defeat the Thought Pirates!          

What does "Self-Care" mean to you?

Self-Care
We hear this term a lot. As women entrepreneurs and professionals, we have a pretty good idea of what this is supposed to be, right? But does it have a positive or a negative connotation to you?

I bet, for most of us, it's more negative than positive.

But why? And should it be that way? 

What exactly is negative about taking care of ourselves, so that we can be our best, to do all that we do for those around us. Whether that be friends, family, business associates, customers, or the world.

I love the analogy of the oxygen mask on the airplane. Put your own mask on first, before helping others. You can't be of use to those you care most about, if you are compromised.






But this term can mean any of at least a hundred things, if not more. I generally consider myself pretty good at this practice. I manage my stress levels pretty well, I take time to relax and do things that make me feel refreshed and ready to take on the world again.

But there are always things we can do better, right? 


When we think of "adding self-care to our routine" we often feel very overwhelmed. We feel like this is going to be one more item on our to-do list that isn't "necessary" or "high priority" and we portion that time for other things. 

I believe, that self-care is very necessary and very high priority. It is truly a way we need to nourish ourselves. We simply cannot do all of the things we want to do, need to do, are meant to do if we are not at our best.





And, I think that "adding self-care to our routine" is much like eating an elephant. How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.






So, start with making a list. What are things that constitute self-care to you? My definition: things that make you feel refreshed, refilled, renewed and ready to take on the world again. 

Possibilities: 

• massage
• manicure/pedicure
• facial
• bath
• enjoying your favorite beverage on your deck or patio
• exercise
• clean eating
• chat with your best girlfriend
• a guilty pleasure movie or TV show possibly with popcorn
• a glass of wine, possibly with your best girlfriend or a special someone
• a great dessert or piece of amazing chocolate
• walk outdoors
• sauna
• steam
• makeover
• retail therapy - a new great outfit or pair of shoes
• time off - vacation or stay-cation
• read a book
• listen to music
• sing out loud
• dance to your favorite song

The list could go on and on and on. My best strategy for eating that elephant is pick 3, but no more than 5 things that make you feel refreshed, refilled, renewed and ready to take on the world again. 

1 "big" thing, something you aren't going to do every day or every week, but that would be a special treat and schedule that into your calendar no less than once per quarter (3 months) or as much as say once per month. (like a massage, pedicure, facial or vacation)

1 or 2 "medium or small" things, something you can do at least once a month, or as much as once a week. For me one of my top ones is lighting several candles in my family room and watching one of my favorite TV shows with the lights off and candles lit. 

1 or 2 "tiny" things, something you can do at least 3 times as week or as much as every day. Get a really great body lotion you can put on after every shower, pull out that skin care routine, and figure out how to do all of the steps, and DO THEM at least 3 times a week. 

If you try to schedule them all at once, you may feel overwhelmed again. So, once you have your list of 3, add 1 item per week to your schedule for the upcoming 3 month period. If you start with the "big" thing, and work your way to the "tiny" things, they will be much easier to "digest".

I would love to hear your lists. Share in the comments what your 3 items are and if you already have any of them scheduled on your calendar. 

Serenity, Control, Focus and Choices

Serenity.

Most of us have heard these words in some form or another. Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. 

This motto has served me well now for many years, nearly 20 in fact, but very recently I had a significant struggle that was deeply affecting me. 

In my family, and among most people I know I am the joyful one, the positive one, the one that lets things go. But recently at my 9-5, my office (not the position or the company, just the physical location) closed and we have been relocated to a new location. The result of this is that my commute 2-3 days a week when I work in the office, increased from 15-20 minutes to 75-90 minutes. Each way. 

I have spent a lot of time being cranky and crabby and even drained and mentally exhausted over the past 2 weeks. Now, I grant you 2 weeks is not a lot of time, but for a person who is generally positive and joyful it has felt like a lifetime. 

Just yesterday, I was reciting this poem/prayer in my mind and berating the thoughts that this drive time, the traffic and the rude other drivers are all things I can't control, and I spent my energy trying to convince myself that I needed to find a way to accept them. 

Thankfully, I am a student of personal development. This morning, I grabbed one of my Anthony Robbins audio courses that I have completed before, but knew his energy and his words would be positive food for my mind during the 90 minute drive time. 

I was right. using that time to MY advantage, I regained control. 

THAT is the thing that was making me angry. I don't discount significance of the loss of 3 hours in my day, and the motivation that gives me to grow my entrepreneurial efforts so that I can retire from my 9-5 permanently. But my focus was going to the wrong place because of the loss of control. 

Whether you are a typical OCD type, or you have anyone in your life who has ever mentioned that you have control issues or are a control freak, we ALL have control issues. When we feel that someone or something outside of ourselves has taken control of us in some way, we fight it. We get angry. We get resentful. Most dangerously, we often become complacent. 

There are things in all of our lives that we cannot control. That is very true. What I noticed this week is that we still have choices. 

Even in a situation that is not of your making, even in the worst possible circumstance, you can choose what you focus on. 

And THAT will make all the difference! 

Today, rather than lamenting the control that has been taken from me, I focus on the choices I still have. I control my thoughts, I control my attitude, I control my influence. 

What choices would or could you make differently if you shifted your focus? 

Reflections

Why is it, as women, that we are so uncomfortable with our reflection? I remember, whenever I encountered one of those horrible lighted magnifying makeup mirrors, even when I was younger and cuter, I reacted with an AH like I'd been spooked and a thought that I didn't need to see myself quite THAT close up. 



Who doesn't love to see those before and after photos where someone has gone through an amazing transformation?


We see those and find hope, inspiration and strength.


There is so much power and triumph in those before and after photos, yet we resist really looking at that "before" in the mirror.



Much more difficult to look at than our physical reflections is our internal reflections. I had a spectacular speaker at one of my events last year, Dr. Shannon Burke, and she spoke eloquently about how difficult we women find it to stay quiet and still, even though our most brilliant inspiration often comes from these very moments.

Every one of those amazing before and after photos exist because at some point, she made a decision to change that before. To stop being that before. But we can't make a decision to stop being the before if we refuse to look at it.





Now, I am not going to tell you to "step out of your comfort zone" because frankly, I think that phrase has been overused so much that it has completely lost its impact. 

Instead, let's beef up the fight in our fight or flight response and lean in to the fear. Put up your dukes and don't back down from the reflections in those quiet moments. 

We all have things, situations, parts of our lives that we tolerate. Things that maybe don't fit any longer or that we've just not been brave enough or inconvenienced enough to really examine and change. 

Lean in, face the fear and sit in the quiet reflection of you. Dare to look at those things in your life that you silently wish were different. 

Dare to imagine your "After". 

I would love to hear your reflections in the comments if you're brave enough to share...

Routine

The holidays are a time of year when we all can feel overwhelmed, and overextended. There are holiday gatherings, holiday travel (whether you are traveling or your family is visiting you), shopping, holiday services in your local community, and children's school holiday programs, and then the kids are out of school for a week or two or three. 

As always, none of the day to day items fall off of your list. 

So how do you manage when you are out of your routine? 

We take comfort in our routine, don't we? Things happen on schedule, and we can plan "wiggle room" for unexpected things to come up.

So how can you make chaos routine? 

Well for starters, we all sort of have, haven't we? I mean we are far from the days of Leave it to Beaver and Happy Days. The world  moves at a pace faster than ever before and there is no chance of it slowing down any time soon.

So, the holidays are a time to plan for a lot more "wiggle" and a lot less schedule. So, plan for it. Schedule less into your day so that when whose opportunities arise, you have planned for the space to take advantage of them.

Another winning strategy is the buddy system. You remember the buddy system from when you were in school, right? Well this is a little bit different application, but it works basically the same way. 

Say you have to bake cookies for a school event, a cookie exchange, or a family event. I bet at least 1 of your girlfriends, if not more, also has to bake cookies for something at this time of year. So... buddy up! You can get the task done faster, and you'll have more fun. 

How about gift wrapping, or shopping, or ...

I think you catch my drift.   

Women Entrepreneurs are the World’s best Jugglers

How true is that?

• What woman entrepreneur you know doesn't do at least 3 jobs?
• Who makes it look effortless most of the time?
• Who doesn't get thanked enough?
• Who slowly and quietly gets more overwhelmed each day?
• Who seldom complains about the load she bears?

And of all the hats we wear, we are nearly always supporting, doing or caring for someone else. 

So, when do you decide it's time to take care of you? And if you ever make this difficult and guilt inspiring decision, who is it that does take care of you?

Run down the list of hats you wear in a typical day, or week, or month, and consider how those who are paid as professionals in each field demand to be treated and served. 

Chefs have dishwashers, most professions have secretaries, or assistants, some professions have entire staff to tend to things that are outside their expertise.

And you, a busy woman entrepreneur, do all of these, only get paid for one maybe two of them and insist that your needs can wait.

and wait...

and wait...

and wait...

But what happens when they can't wait any longer? What happens when you finally hit that tipping point? What happens when you burn out mentally, emotionally or physically?

People in your life will step up and pitch in and they will care for you. And then you'll feel even more guilty.

So what if you decided that taking care of you, self-care, that thing that you know you're supposed to do, but just never manage to get around to, was important. What if you decided that it was a priority? 

What if you could come up with a way to do that on a regular basis and not feel guilty?

Impossible?

Maybe not.

There are a thousand little things you can do in a day to lower your stress level and take a little bit of self-care without neglecting your loved ones, your business or your ever growing to-do list.

Here are a few to inspire you to do a little self-care today...

• Give yourself a mini facial - grab one of those sets of beauty products you bought but never took the time to use and do all the steps. Enjoy the glow and great feeling skin.
• Listen to your favorite song. Turn the volume up loud. Before you pick up the kids, sing all the lyrics at the top of your lungs and chair dance if you want to.
• Call your best girlfriend and share a funny memory.
• Do a random act of kindness for someone who cannot return the favor, buy a cup of coffee for the person behind you in line; pay a parking meter; give a McDonalds or Subway gift card to a homeless person.
• Send yourself a note or card - in the mail.

There are so many people in your life that you want to serve. You are a woman entrepreneur, you want to get out there in the world in a bigger way, share your mission; spread your message; help more people. Don’t all of those people deserve the very best you have to give?

Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish or self-indulgent. Taking care of yourself is the most important thing you can do to be of service to those you are put here to serve.

Shannon Bednowicz

https://www.facebook.com/WholeSelfNourish
http://www.ShannonBednowicz.com/

Click the comment box below and share what self-care practice you are going to implement today!

Is your heart open?

Does the front door of your business open to, or better yet, through your heart?

What kind of customers do you want?




Do you ever find yourself dealing with rude or annoying customers, but decide you'd rather "deal with it" because they are paying you money?









Do you envision yourself serving your customers?

Do you see yourself truly touching their heart with yours?

Do you see the product or service you offer honestly improving their life in some way?

They say love is when you care more about the other person's happiness than your own. 

I'm not saying that you can't or won't succeed if you don't put your customer first. Plenty of businesses do. 

I do believe that if you do put your customers first you will experience more success and more fulfilling success and you will attract customers that bring you joy as well as success.

What would it look like if you only attracted the customers that were a blast to work with?