Stop looking for balance

I just completed the book "Think and Grow Rich for Women" and the final chapter really struck me. 
Sharon Lechter talked about balance in a way I've never thought of before and surely has changed the way I'll ever think of it again.

She quotes the Merriam Webster's dictionary definition of balance as 

the ability to move or to remain in a position without losing control or falling

She also notes that as women we never stop moving, so why would we strive to achieve something that is defined as just that. 

I took it to another thought and correlated it to the statement I've most heard quoted by Anthony Robbins which is 

If you're not growing, you're dying.

Sharon went on to assert that what we should be seeking is presence. Rather than feeling guilty for not doing something else in this moment, seek and choose to be fully present doing what you are doing in any given moment. 

I love this philosophy. I feel thankful that I'm already practicing this in many ways, of course I can improve in this area, as most of us can in most areas of our lives.

This brings to mind for me so many people I see these days with their smart phones out at the dinner table, or at a business meeting. Don't get me wrong, I understand that you may be taking notes, or using social media to share and or promote the cool experience you are having. I've been to meetings and conferences where they ask you to tweet the hash tag, etc. 

I challenge you to ditch the search for balance and embrace the choice to be fully present.

When you are with your family, don't worry about the business or household tasks that need to be completed, BE with your family. When you are focused on the work you need to complete for your business, don't feel guilty that you are not spending time with your family. 

Certainly, do your best to arrange your schedule so that you can make the optimal use of your time, and serve your highest values.

  

 

Ever notice that how you do anything is how you do everything?

I find so often that running is a metaphor for my life. I was out on my first 6 mile run of the season today and noticed 3 pretty big points that directly correlate to my business. 

I'm behind on my half marathon training compared to where I feel I should be based on the date of my race and my past experience. 

Of course, I still ran the run that was on the schedule for today. With little consideration to whether i was ready or not. So I ran my first 6 mile of the season 2 days after my first 5 mile of the season. As a seasoned runner, I know that could possibly be a recipe for disaster, but I'm more focused on the goal and the outcome than the process and the journey. Have to hit that finish line! 

Thankfully I stopped myself from trying to do an 8 mile run the following day. I have some sane moments after all.

I do this in my business, in my house work, I beat myself up for not doing this long laundry list of things I've set up for myself because I'm so focused on the result and I want the result NOW. As a result, I don't do all the things, and then feel bad because I'm "behind".

How friggin silly!!!!!!!

I'm binary. My husband makes fun of me all the time that I have a binary bladder. I don't have to go to the bathroom, and then I have to go right NOW!

I noticed that about my running today. I'd be running (jogging) and I'd run until I was near my aerobic threshold, then I would stop (walk) until I caught my breath and rinse and repeat. Even after I noticed this, and took note that if I could just throttle my speed I could sustain it for so much longer. I'll be going along and my pace app will announce current pace 8 minutes 30 seconds per mile, split pace 11 minutes 48 seconds per mile. What the heck am I doing running at an 8:30 pace? That's a much faster pace than I can sustain, so I hold it until I can't hold it any longer than walk 10 paces or so then repeat. If I could hold a 9:30 or 9:45 pace, I could sustain it for a long period of time. 

This is true in many areas of my life. I have 2 speeds, stop and go. I get moving on something and push until I can't sustain the pace any longer, then I come to a complete stand still. I need to learn to move at a sustainable pace. Throttle my efforts and push through a mild level of discomfort rather than "take a break" as soon as I feel fatigue setting in.

Today I went on one of my first runs of the season without the dogs. When I run with the dogs, they need to stop to go to the bathroom, they stop at all cross streets, and are sometimes distracted by this or that causing us to stop for a moment or two. I've gotten used to that. 

Running alone today, I did my first sustained effort of 3 miles. It was tough, reminded me that I need to build up my stamina considerably before my 13.1 race mid July.

I let others set the pace. I enjoy pacing with others, but I allow it to hold me back. I can see where I sometimes do this in other areas of my life. It is easy and comfortable to stay at the speed and pace that someone is doing so I don't have to push myself, stretch myself. It also reminds me that I need to step up and into my role as a leader more fully in some areas of my life and inspire others to step up to MY pace.

How about you? Do you see any of these weird habits showing up in your life? 

1. The "I'm behind I need to catch up" mentality
2. Two speeds, stop and full speed and nothing in between
3. Letting others set a "comfortable" pace below your own capabilities 

Insulation and Reception

Most of the time, in my life, I am surrounded by amazing, uplifting, inspiring, authentic people (sorry guys, mostly it's women). A lot of this is certainly by design. Years ago, after I started my entrepreneurial journey, I embarked as many of you have, on a personal development journey as well. As I'm sure you have, as part of that journey, I have broken away from habits, places and people that don't serve me, and distanced myself from most negativity. 

I don't watch the TV news, or listen to the radio news. Heck, we've been using a digital video recorder for so long, I have barely seen a commercial in the past 5 years. 

I don't participate in gossip if I can help it (we're all human, and it does happen to me on occasion too).

I had a very bad experience with a destructive supervisor (at my day job) and I took steps and removed myself from that situation, changing jobs and moving into an environment that serves me much better (for as long as I'm still holding on to that day job).

As a result, I have become a person that is incredibly receptive to others. Just last night, at one of my monthly networking events with my group of Chicago Over 40 Females, we had an amazing discussion around some challenges one of our members is working through in re-inventing her business model. It was one of those really deep, engaging conversations and we all tapped into the positive energy of one another on an amazing level and really all learned a LOT about ourselves and one another. 

As with most things, there's a rub. The more open and receptive you become, the more you open yourself up to being vulnerable and raw when you do become exposed to the negative and destructive forces in the world. 

This morning, I found myself on the periphery of some unprofessional, immature social media brew haha. I found that it bothered me a great deal more than it should have and I think it is because of being so open and receptive to the amazing good energy I am normally surrounded by. 

My pondering for the day is ... how do you properly insulate yourself from the negativity while remaining receptive to the positive influences around you? 

Luckily for me, that very group of amazing ladies gave me a fantastic gift of a beautiful jar filled with heart felt notes of thanks, and I was able to fend off the negative energy by going to that beautiful jar and reading some amazing words letting me know that I am, in fact, making a positive impact on the world around me.

I'd love to hear your thoughts! 

What does "Self-Care" mean to you?

Self-Care
We hear this term a lot. As women entrepreneurs and professionals, we have a pretty good idea of what this is supposed to be, right? But does it have a positive or a negative connotation to you?

I bet, for most of us, it's more negative than positive.

But why? And should it be that way? 

What exactly is negative about taking care of ourselves, so that we can be our best, to do all that we do for those around us. Whether that be friends, family, business associates, customers, or the world.

I love the analogy of the oxygen mask on the airplane. Put your own mask on first, before helping others. You can't be of use to those you care most about, if you are compromised.






But this term can mean any of at least a hundred things, if not more. I generally consider myself pretty good at this practice. I manage my stress levels pretty well, I take time to relax and do things that make me feel refreshed and ready to take on the world again.

But there are always things we can do better, right? 


When we think of "adding self-care to our routine" we often feel very overwhelmed. We feel like this is going to be one more item on our to-do list that isn't "necessary" or "high priority" and we portion that time for other things. 

I believe, that self-care is very necessary and very high priority. It is truly a way we need to nourish ourselves. We simply cannot do all of the things we want to do, need to do, are meant to do if we are not at our best.





And, I think that "adding self-care to our routine" is much like eating an elephant. How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.






So, start with making a list. What are things that constitute self-care to you? My definition: things that make you feel refreshed, refilled, renewed and ready to take on the world again. 

Possibilities: 

• massage
• manicure/pedicure
• facial
• bath
• enjoying your favorite beverage on your deck or patio
• exercise
• clean eating
• chat with your best girlfriend
• a guilty pleasure movie or TV show possibly with popcorn
• a glass of wine, possibly with your best girlfriend or a special someone
• a great dessert or piece of amazing chocolate
• walk outdoors
• sauna
• steam
• makeover
• retail therapy - a new great outfit or pair of shoes
• time off - vacation or stay-cation
• read a book
• listen to music
• sing out loud
• dance to your favorite song

The list could go on and on and on. My best strategy for eating that elephant is pick 3, but no more than 5 things that make you feel refreshed, refilled, renewed and ready to take on the world again. 

1 "big" thing, something you aren't going to do every day or every week, but that would be a special treat and schedule that into your calendar no less than once per quarter (3 months) or as much as say once per month. (like a massage, pedicure, facial or vacation)

1 or 2 "medium or small" things, something you can do at least once a month, or as much as once a week. For me one of my top ones is lighting several candles in my family room and watching one of my favorite TV shows with the lights off and candles lit. 

1 or 2 "tiny" things, something you can do at least 3 times as week or as much as every day. Get a really great body lotion you can put on after every shower, pull out that skin care routine, and figure out how to do all of the steps, and DO THEM at least 3 times a week. 

If you try to schedule them all at once, you may feel overwhelmed again. So, once you have your list of 3, add 1 item per week to your schedule for the upcoming 3 month period. If you start with the "big" thing, and work your way to the "tiny" things, they will be much easier to "digest".

I would love to hear your lists. Share in the comments what your 3 items are and if you already have any of them scheduled on your calendar. 

Reflections

Why is it, as women, that we are so uncomfortable with our reflection? I remember, whenever I encountered one of those horrible lighted magnifying makeup mirrors, even when I was younger and cuter, I reacted with an AH like I'd been spooked and a thought that I didn't need to see myself quite THAT close up. 



Who doesn't love to see those before and after photos where someone has gone through an amazing transformation?


We see those and find hope, inspiration and strength.


There is so much power and triumph in those before and after photos, yet we resist really looking at that "before" in the mirror.



Much more difficult to look at than our physical reflections is our internal reflections. I had a spectacular speaker at one of my events last year, Dr. Shannon Burke, and she spoke eloquently about how difficult we women find it to stay quiet and still, even though our most brilliant inspiration often comes from these very moments.

Every one of those amazing before and after photos exist because at some point, she made a decision to change that before. To stop being that before. But we can't make a decision to stop being the before if we refuse to look at it.





Now, I am not going to tell you to "step out of your comfort zone" because frankly, I think that phrase has been overused so much that it has completely lost its impact. 

Instead, let's beef up the fight in our fight or flight response and lean in to the fear. Put up your dukes and don't back down from the reflections in those quiet moments. 

We all have things, situations, parts of our lives that we tolerate. Things that maybe don't fit any longer or that we've just not been brave enough or inconvenienced enough to really examine and change. 

Lean in, face the fear and sit in the quiet reflection of you. Dare to look at those things in your life that you silently wish were different. 

Dare to imagine your "After". 

I would love to hear your reflections in the comments if you're brave enough to share...