Thursday, May 26, 2016

The Journey Continues...

Last week, I had an uncomfortable conversation with my husband. He asked me about my interest level with my business where it is right now. He has supported me on my journey over the past 10 years as I've experienced the roller coaster of success and engagement with my entrepreneurial endeavors. He is a smart guy, and while he's willing to call me on the carpet, he is aware of the response he's likely to get. He notices me pulling back and not putting in the time and effort that is typical for me when I'm fully engaged and sees that as a sign that I'm "giving up". 

Not surprisingly, I reacted completely defensively and shut the conversation down. When I had cooled off and thought more rationally, I re-opened the conversation. Where I am at currently, I'm desperately trying to figure out what is next for me. I'm working through an amazing course with Live Your Legend and the introspective work is really hard for me. 

I know that I don't want to keep doing what I'm doing. I've known that for probably the last 8 years. I want to permanently walk away from my "day job" and "corporate America" once and for all, with a better solution. Like a lot of people on a similar journey, I question myself a lot. It's uncomfortable. Hell, it's downright terrifying. 

What if this is all there is for me?
What if I really am just like "everybody else"?
What if I don't have what it takes? 
What if I don't have anything truly remarkable to contribute to the world?
What if no one is ever willing to pay me to do what I'm genius at?
What if I'm not really genius at anything? 

I let the fear freeze me. I let it pause my forward momentum, my journey. I've spent a lot of time in the past month watching TV and playing computer video games and surfing social media. Hiding.  


My time is now. Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow never comes and never will.

Today I start a 21 day guided journey to find the answer to this question. Maybe not the absolute answer, but the answer for me right now.

The #1 regret of people on their deathbeds, as captured by Bronnie Ware, is: “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”

As the lead character of one of my favorite TV shows says, "Life's hard when you don't know who you are. It's harder when you don't know what you are... I was lost for years, searching while hiding... I won't hide any more.  I will live the life I choose."

No comments :

Post a Comment